Canciones con letras de SW.: ============================ *******To the Tune of "Jingle Bells"******* Dashing through the snow, On a tauntaun named Berniece, Find that stupid kid, Or I'll have no peace. He keeps mumbling "Ben", I swear that kid's not right, I've got to pack the kid in guts or he won't Make it through the night! Oh Jedi boy, Jedi boy, Jedi make me puke, I am gonna freeze my ass for an idiot named Lu-uke! Jedi boy, Jedi boy, Jedi make me puke, I am gonna freeze my ass for an idiot named Luke! *******To the Tune of "Hark the Herald"******* Hark, the hooded Jedi sing "Lift big rocks", or some such thing, Meditate for hours on end, Visions, now, your thoughts will send. The galaxy can live without us, We'll hole up here, no one will doubt us, Master Luke is the guy, A crappy life to exemplify! Hark, the hooded Jedi sing, Don't ever leave in your X_Wing! *******To the Tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"********* "Luke the Blond haired farmboy" You know Leia and Han and Mon Mothma and Yoda, Biggs and Old Obi and Camie and Fixer... But do you recall the most famous farm-boy of all? Lu-ke, the blond-haired farmboy had some super flying skills but no one was impressed In spite of all his womp rat kills All of the other farm-boys used to laugh and call him names (like "Wormie") They never let poor Lu-ke, join their Tosche Station games Then one bleak and hopeless day, General Dodonna said "Hey Luke, I've seen you in flight, won't you join the fight tonight?" Then he blew up that Death Star and the Rebels shouted out "Whoopee!" Lu-uke, the blond-haired farm boy, You'll go down in Star Wars History! dbh15@csufresno.edu This is *really* a stretch. Use your imagination. To, "Oh, Christmas Tree" ===================================================================== Oh, See-Threepee Oh See-Threepee, Your legs are so un-matching. That crummy 'mech, he'll rue the day, He tricked you, to go that way. Oh, See-Threepee Oh See-Threepee, Your legs are so un-matching. Your prissy voice, drives Han away. That Wookie oaf, your head's astray. Oh, See-Threepee Oh See-Threepee, Your legs are so un-matching. You could have set, the heroes free, You couldn't, play a diety. Oh, See-Threepee Oh See-Threepee, Your legs are so un-matching. "Sandy Claws is not who is coming to town" (to the tune of "Santa Claus is coming to town" by Frank Sinatra) Lyrics by Jedi Master Kalimero You better watch out - You better first fire You better not put - Your blaster away Boba Fett is comin' for you Boba Fett is comin' for you Boba fett is comin' for you He has you on the list - He's checking it twice He's finding you out - No-where to hide Boba Fett is comin' for you Boba Fett is comin' for you Boba Fett is comin' for you He sees you when you're smuggling - He knows when you're on range He knows if you've been bad or good - So be good for Jabba's sake So you better watch out - You better first fire You better not put - Your blaster away Boba Fett is comin' for you Boba Fett is comin' for you Boba Fett is comin' for you The aliens there at Jabba's - Will make a big surprise They're gonna build a puzzle - With your bones for Jabba Hutt So you better watch out - You better first fire You better not put - Your blaster away Boba Fett (is comin' for you) Boba Fett (is comin' for you) Boba Fett is comin' Boba Fett is comin' Boba Fett is comin' For you ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Luke" (to the tune of "Lump" by The Presidents of the USA) Newords by Patrick Mines. Luke sat alone on Tatooine, Waiting for something to happen to him. Droids showed up on the moisture farm, They totally confused all the passing jawas. He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head. He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead. Luke lingered long on Dagobah, And the dream he got was sort of rotten and it seems Ben lied to him and Vader's his dad. Is Luke over there hanging out with no hand? He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head, He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead. (whining) Luke was standing ready and without a care. The guard pushed him off and he tumbled through the air. He did some fairly heroic-type deeds. Luke left for Endor at subsonic speeds. He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head, He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead. Is this Luke out my head? I think so. Is this Luke out my head? I think so. Yeah! Whooo! Is this Luke out my head? I think so. Is this Luke out my head? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The Jedi" (to the theme music of "The Nanny") He was working as a farmboy bachk on Tattooine 'Till his unc 'n' aunt were killed by a trooper team Where was he to go, what was there to do When it was past his bedtime? Alone with two droids and a gray old fool He could fly He could fight He had the Force That's how he became the Jedi Yes and the Rebels, they were lucky indeed Bringing in the one thig that they really need He has really gone far (let the Rebels win) Blowing up the Death Star (bad luck Tarkin) He believes in the force, while the others think it was just a fluke The farmboy from Tattooine, the Jedi named Luke ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Imperial Rhapsody" (to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen) LANDO: This is the good life This is a fantasy Working on Bespin An escape from Reality. LEIA: Open your eyes Stand up to these guys and see. LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy Cuz who's my dad, I dunno Little whine, little moan. HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me PIETT: Vader; just killed a man. Raised an arm up in the air Now his life is no longer there. Vader, we had just begun, And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum. Vader, ooooooo. Didn't mean to make you mad If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow, There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened. YODA: Too late, my time has come, Sends shivers down my spine Body's aching all the time. LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force. PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo. I don't want to die I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all. LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor? Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me! R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, 0 R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH! I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me. REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family. Spare him this life of such mundacity! HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go. JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go) HAN: Let me go! JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go) HAN: Let me go! JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go) HAN: LET ME GO! JABBA: WILL NO LET YOU GO! HAN: LET ME GO! JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO! HAN: LET ME GO! JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along. LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee, for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Stormtroopers start headbanging) LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine? But you cut my hand off and left me to die! Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader. I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you. OBIWAN: May the Force be with you. Use the Force to see. May the Force be with you, May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays. HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter, to meeeeeeee. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "KENOBI" (sung by Darth Vader to the tune of "Cecilia", during their duel) - CHORUS - Kenobi, You shouln't have come back, You best watch your back Or I'll kill ya. Oh Kenooooobi, Your powers are weak, You're feeble and meek, And you're old. Old, old, old. - Swingin' blades In the afternoon, With Kenobi, He's an old buffoon (old buffoon) I cut through His chest and face, When he falls to the ground Air has taken his place. - REPEAT CHORUS - FUNKY NOISES SOLO - Ju-bi-la-tion! I murdered that coot, He's stuck to my boot And I'm laughing. Ju-bi-la-tion! I murdered that coot, He's stuck to my boot And I'm laughing. - LUKE: Noooooo! No nooooo! No noooo no no no nooooo! . . . ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HAN" (As sung by His Excellency Jabba The Hutt To REM's "Stand") Han in the place where I live (On the wall) Think about adhesion, wonder what holds him up there now Han in my palace at home (It's the best) Makes a good example for the people who are working for me. Now if, you have, to hang up your hat just use, the guy, who's frozen and flat His hand, is there, to hold things for you And Han, is there, 'cause I like the view! Oh Han with my trophies at work (Excellent) Think about collection, wonder can I get the Wookiee now Han, brought here by my best friend (Boba Fett) Stops him dumping cargo runs and blowing my employees in half :-) Now Han, a statue, is a good sight I'm glad, that Vader, used carbonite He's not, asleep, he's stuck in a dream. I like, his face-perpetual scream! Oh Han on display in my room (Work of art) Think of decoration, maybe should I hang him sideways now? Han, it was worth all the cash (Every cent) He even opens bottles and I think he'd make real good doorman Han on the deck of my barge Han frozen stiff as a bar Han doesn't wander too far Oh Han! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "THE MAX REBO BAND" (To Billy Joel's "The Pianoman") It's nine o'clock down at Jabba's place the regular crowd waddles in there's a wierd thing sitting next to me it has three eyes and mottled grey skin. Fett says Max can you play me a memory I'm not really sure how it goes but it's haunting and sweet and if you miss a beat this carbine will blow off your nose. La la la, de de da La da de de da, da dum.. He said sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band sing us a song tonight 'cause we're all in the mood for a melody except Solo, who's in carbonite.. Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine he gives me my life for free And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt or the rancor will have us for tea. He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!" as he stuffed a frog into his face but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid So we'll smile and nod, just in case. Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band sing us a song tonight 'cause we're all in the mood for a melody except Solo, who's in carbonite. Sy Snootles is our favourite vocalist her face it ain't launching no ships. Don't know why it behove her to go kiss a hoover but that's how she got those wierd lips. A Gammorean guard is headbutting bricks as another one gnaws on a bone and I don't know which has less intelligence either those two big thugs or the stone. La la la, de de da La da de de da, da dum.. Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band sing us a song tonight 'cause we're all in the mood for a melody except Solo, who's in carbonite. It's a pretty good crowd, here at Jabba's place it's a killing, that's why we're all here We'll sail over the dune to the pit of Carkoon and we'll toss someone in with a cheer. 'Cause we gotta new droid on the pedestal and a man in black's come in the door he just pointed a gun over Salicious Crumb and then promptly sank through the floor. Oh, La de de da, de de da La da de de da, da dum.. Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band sing us a song tonight for the Jedi Skywalker is down below and the rancor is gripping him tight ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Battle Hymn of the Dark Horde" (Tune - Battle Hymn of the Republic) Mine eyes have seen the coming of the terrible Darth Horde. They are searching out the cellars where your vintage wines are stored. They have loosed the fearful lightnings of their lightsabers and swords, The Darth Horde marches on. - Chorus: Glory, glory to Lord Vader! Glory, glory to the Raiders! Here we come with our lightsabers! The Darth Horde marches on! - I have seen them in the Death Star marching through the corridors! They have built a reputation as the villians in "Star Wars." Now they're coming to your planet - it wont help to lock the doors The Darth Horde marches on. - Chorus - Now you may fear the Empire but the Horde is ten times worse! Better call your undertaker and reserve yourself a hears. Today we'll take your planet - tomorrow the universe! The Darth Horde marches on. - Chorus - (Half Tempo) >From the ashes of the Clone Wars there arose one Jedi Knight Wearing armor black as chaos with a sword a-blazin' light. As we know the left hand pillar must balance out the right, The Darth Horde marches on. - Chorus ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Blast, Loot, Pillage, Burn" (Tune- Mickey Mouse Club Theme) Blast, loot, pillage, burn, blast, loot, pillage, burn. Who's the leader of the Horde that's made for what we are? Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R! Hey there, hi there, ho there! We'll conquer every star! Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R! - Darth Vader! (Obi Wan) Darth vader! (Skywalker!) For ever let us hold our blasters high! High! High! HIGH! - Come along and sing our song and march with us to war, Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R! - (slowly) Now its time to say goodbye - they're closing up the bar - Lord D-A- [aaayy]* R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!] V-A-D-E- (pause) R-R-R-R. - *a la the Fonze, including thumbs up gesture. D-A- [aaayy]* R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!] V-A-D-E- (pause) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Diplomatic Droid" (to the tune of "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General", from Gilbert and Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance") THREEPIO: I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid I'm fluent in the languages of Robot, Wookiee, humanoid, A binary loadlifter does not pose the slightest mystery, I know the rules of protocol and also human history. I'm very well acquainted too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news -- With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoteneuse - CHORUS With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoteneuse (X3) - THREEPIO I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; In short, my masters find in me a reason to be overjoyed, I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid. - CHORUS In short his masters find in he a reason to be overjoyed. - THREEPIO I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid; Adventure is the sort of thing I'd hoped that I could quite avoid, For droids who find adventure often find that they get melted down , Or shipped out to the Kessel mines and tiresome labour underground. My counterpart excels at making trouble for the rest of us, He lured me to the desert where the jawas soon molested us, They sold us to some farmers, and before the passing of a day, I had to tell my master that the little twerp had run away - CHORUS He had to tell his master that the little twerp had run away. (X3) - THREEPIO Now that we're on the Death Star, and stormtroopers swarm the premises, I'm hiding in the closet with that little Artoo nemesis; And so I want to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets us both destroyed. I was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid. - CHORUS And so he wants to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets them both destroyed, He was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The Star Wars Cantina" (to Barry Manilow's "Copacabana") (Leia's voice: "Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope". R2 beep) Her name was Leia, she was a princess With a danish on each ear, and Darth Vader drawing near (Vader breathing) So R2D2 (R2 - beep), found ben Kenobi (Ben's voice - Obi Wan) He'd have to put the death star plans, into the Rebellion's hand So Luke and O-B-Wan, had to get to Al-der-aan So they stopped into Mos Eisley to have a drink with Han At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina The wierdest creatures you've ever seenah Here at the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina Music and blasters and old Jedi Masters at the Star Wars (Greedo - Oota Goota Solo) His name was Solo (Han - Han Solo), he was a pilot (ship sound) With a blaster at his side (blaster shot), and a smile 12 parsecs wide There with Chewbacca (Chewie - Growl), he was a wookie They met with Luke and Obi Wan, about the Millenium Falcon Docking bay 94 (Ben - 94), storm-troop-ers at the door (knock on door) With the flash of Ben's lightsaber (saber ignite), now there's an arm on the floor (scream) At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina The wierdest creatures you've ever seenah (saber extinguish) Here at the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina Music and blasters and old Jedi Masters at the Star Wars (Ben - Mos Eisley Spaceport, you will never find the more wretched hive of scum and villainly. We must be cautious) His name was Yoda, he was a muppet (Yoda - that sound he makes) Darth Vader was so bad, and by the way he's Luke's dad Luke kissed his sister (kiss), his hand got cut off (Luke - scream) In that galaxy far far away, Luke has had a lousy day Boba Fett was so mean, Jabba had bad hygeine (Jabba - laugh) Why didn't they all just relax back on Tatooine At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina The wierdest creatures you've ever seenah (Greedo sound) Here at the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina Music and blasters and old Jedi Masters at the Star Wars The force will be with you, Star Wars always Star Wars Cantina R2 beeps Star Wars, Chewie howls Star Wars Cantina (Background girls singing "Star Wars, Cantina" throughout the song) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Y.O.D.A. (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker to the tune of "YMCA" by the Village People) YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I *MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY* YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say *WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT* You must be here to see Y.O.D.A You must be here to see Y.O.D.A. He's 900 years old! He's so strong in the Force! Do your Jedi Diploma course! You must be here to see Y.O.D.A You must be here to see Y.O.D.A Come and get yourself clean! Come and have a good meal! Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel! YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got *SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM* YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is *MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT* You must be here to see Y.O.D.A You must be here to see Y.O.D.A. He's 900 years old! He's so strong in the Force! Do your Jedi Diploma course! You must be here to see Y.O.D.A You must be here to see Y.O.D.A Don't just stand in the rain! You're all covered with mud! come and sample my homemade crud! OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't TRAIN HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha *HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE* YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be GOING, off to save all your friends? To be TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you *WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK* You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A You should stay here and train! You don't have to save Han! If you do so, you'll lose your hand! You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A. (repeat and fade). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Yoda" by Wierd Al I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda s - o - d - a soda I saw the little runt sitting there on a log I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said, "Yoda" y - o - d - a Yoda yo-yo-yo-yo-da Well I've been around but I ain't never seen A guy who looks like a muppet but he's wrinkled and green Oh, my Yoda yo-yo-yo-yo-da Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand Oh, my Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da Well I left home just a week before, And I've never ever been a Jedi before. But Obi-Wan set me strait of course, He said go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben So it looks like I'm going to start all over again With my Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da So I use the Force I picked up a box I'm lifting some rocks While I stood on my head Well I won't forget what Yoda said He said, "Luke stay away from the darker side And if you start to go astray let the force be your guide Oh, my Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed But remember if you kill him then you'll be unemployed!" Oh, my Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da Well I heard my friends really got in a mess So I'm going to have leave Yoda again But I know I'll be coming back someday I'll be playing this part till I'm old and gray The long-term contract I had to sign Said I'll be making these movies till the end of time with my Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, Yoda, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, yo-yo-yo-yo-da, ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The star Wars macerena (to the tune of "Macarena") Obi-Wan Kenobi, he get by on jedi pension, He now suffer from arthritis -- constipation not to mention! Try to use El Force-o, brain all dried up like adobe! HEY, BEN KENOBI! Wookie El Chewbacca show off shaggy Bigfoot torso! He member of El Hair Club -- La Rogaine now endorso! Han Solo, he comprende -- Wookie lingo mucho screwy! HEY, SENOR CHEWY! Flyboy is Han Solo, hot to jump Princess Leia! But Leia, she play hardball, never give him time of day-a! Han no give a damn -- soo Indy Jones his primo role-o! HEY, FLYBOY SOLO! Bimbo Princess Leia she play hard to get, by golly! When she strip down to her skivvies, she one very hot tamale! Mucho kicks she gets when men they bow down, and obey-a! HEY, PRINCESS LEIA! Dark Side turn Darth Vader into deep-space Dr. Death-o! He turn off Rebels plenty with his wheezy morning breath-o! Whole planets he wipe out -- no one to stop him like Ralph Nader! HEY, LORD VADER! Jedi Maestro Yoda he no bigger than a taco! Come across like a drop-out Muppet -- ears he steal from Mr. Spock-o! Lives on a distant planet -- no one sure of his Zip Code-a! HEY, MAESTRO YODA! Jabba fat like Limbaugh -- grande glutton roly-poly! He pig out on compadres -- make them instant guacamole! Soon el groundo shake-o with a belcho furioso! HEY, JABBA GROSSO! Luke-o all shook up when learn Darth Vader is his padre! Find out Leia she his sister -- hope that Jabba not his madre! Mucho stupefied like gringo bombed out on Sambucco! HEY, SEŅOR LUKE-O! Gabby droid See-Threepio he big pain in el but-to! All the time he fuss and worry -- his big mouth he never shut-o! Other droids they think a closet gay he just might be-o! HEY, SEE-THREEPIO! Robot Artoo-Deetoo he computer mucho grande! So smart that even Windows 95 he understande! Glad to show you some cyber-porn once price you both agree to! HEY, ARTOO DEETO! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE EMPIRE (To "The Battle Hymn of the Republic") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) Oh put your hands together for the ruler of the stars he's the boss, from Coruscant out to the home of Owen Lars Once he wiped out all the Jedi Knights, and then passed out cigars and he keeps marching on! CHORUS: Glory, glory to the Emp'ror Glory, glory to the Emp'ror Glory, glory to the Emp'ror He just keeps marching on! And now we bow in reverence to his own evil Lord Vader dresses all in ebony, and loves to be abhorred and he has a shiny helmet and a groovy laser sword, and he keeps marching on! CHORUS (stormtroopers) We're the legions of his troopers, and we always dress in white and we're taught to fire randomly in every firefight Now we know to tilt our heads to keep the tops of doors in sight, and we keep marching on! CHORUS (scout troopers) Well we also dress in white, but we're the Endor bunker scouts not those little boys that dib and dob, those wimpy layabouts. We can fly at high-speed, scream and have spectacular wipeouts, but we keep marching on! CHORUS (tie pilots) We're the pilots of the Empire, and we fly the fearsome TIEs and we somehow always get our butts kicked clear across the skies If we blow up for no reason, we don't think it's a surprise we just keep marching on! CHORUS (death star gunners) We're the gunners of the Death Star, and we wear a funny hat and we fiddle with the switches that blow planets into scrap and the rumour that we're extras is complete and utter crap, we'll just keep marching on! CHORUS (snowtroopers) We're the snowy region troopers, and we storm the worlds of ice and we almost got the Falcon with that tripod-gun device If you meet us on the weekend, then you'll find we're rather nice and we keep marching on! CHORUS (walker pilots) We're the pilots of the walkers that are fearsome, great and tall we can fight in rock and snow and jungle- AT-ATs do it all but we haven't figured out that if you trip them, then they fall So we keep marching on! CHORUS (royal guard) We're the royal guard all dressed in red, the stormtrooper elite we can shoot a mynock's eye out from about six hundred feet but we can't be all that smart, because we haven't learned to speak, we just keep marching on! CHORUS (officers) We're the British-sounding officers, we fly a giant ship, and we look down at the pit crew and we drive them with a whip For we know that if we screw up, Vader makes us get a grip, So we keep marching on! CHORUS ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE STAR WARS ANTHEM (To "The Star Spangled Banner") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (To be sung at ball games, etc by hard core American SW fans) Far above Tattooine under bright twin suns' light 'cross the heavens it sailed turbolasers a-beaming Flying through the bright stars in a perilous fight came Lord Vader's great ship that the princess was fleeing At the title's fanfare, 'twas a movie so rare that we saw long ago, and today we're still there! Oh say we love Star Wars, its virtues we'll rave We were born Star Wars freaks, and we'll be to the grave! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ode to the SSD EXECUTOR (To ACDC's "YOU" (shook me all night long). By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) She was a vast machine, she was the Emperor's dream she was the biggest darn starship that I'd ever seen She was so huge in size, she swatted ships like flies Had 'round about a hundred forty-four TIEs. Gave the Rebels a scare, man you shoulda been there She made them all run, they couldn't go anywhere because all Hoth was shakin', the ice was breakin' the skies were taken, and she was wastin' 'em, and you You were FIVE MILES LONG Yeah you, you were FIVE MILES LONG So to Bespin she flew, went through a captain or two, and ended up at Endor fighting ships and a shoe Couldn't go for the kill, she had to hold 'em all still, because the second Death Star was to "fire at will". When the darndest thing- A busted up A-Wing came right through the bridge and hit Piett on the chin and the ship was breakin', set the Death Star shakin' and fire was ragin', and just like Yavin, then she blew You were FIVE MILES LONG Yeah you, you were FIVE MILES LONG I can't believe the size of you- you were FIVE MILES LONG . ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- IN THE CANTINA (To Barry Manilow's "Copacabana") (written at least a year before the other one). By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) His name was Solo, he was a smuggler He flew the Falcon everywhere, with a two-meter lump of hair he was in trouble, he owed to Jabba he had to fix his credit flow, so there was just one place to go a wretched hive, you see of scum and villany The cantina in Mos Eisley was his destiny! It was Solo, in the cantina the beer, it don't come any greener here with Solo, in the cantina music and blasters and Sullustan pastas here with Solo! He was in luck.. His name was Greedo, he wore a blaster. He'd used it all across the land, and now he had it in his hand, and he was waiting, waiting for Solo when a commotion to his right looked like an entertaining fight 'Cause Doctor Evezan wanted to do Luke in When Kenobi pulled out a saber, Ponda lost a limb! Here with Solo, in the cantina it was when Luke was such a wiener here with Solo, in the cantina music and Wookiees and Rodian cookies here with Solo! There was some blood.. So later Greedo ran into Solo poor Solo had nowhere to run, 'cause he was looking down a gun and Greedo pushed him, back to the table where Solo said he had a stash, and Greedo asked him for the cash But Solo's gun went blam and Greedo's head went slam then Solo got up and left the table, left for Alderaan! Here with Solo, in the cantina you'll find every wierd Tattooiner here with Solo, in the cantina liquids distilling and infrequent killing here with Solo! come try your luck.. come try your luck.. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALDERAAN (To the Beach Boys' "Barbara-Ann") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) As sung by Han Solo Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan Alderaan, oh Alderaan Alderaan My ship is rockin' and a-rollin', rockin' and a-reelin', Alderaan (Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan) Went on a chase, into hyperspace, Came out here and you're all over the place! Alderaan, oh Alderaan Alderaan My ship is rockin' and a-rollin', rockin' and a-reelin', Alderaan (Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan) Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan Planet went kaboom, glad I'm not too soon, Ain't nothin' here but that small moon! Alderaan, oh Alderaan Alderaan My ship is rockin' and a-rollin', rockin' and a-reelin', Alderaan (Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan) Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan Bye-bye-bye, bye Alderaan ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- LET ME BE (To the Beatles' "Let it be") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (As sung by Luke, on a bad day) When I find the plot's in times of trouble Ben Kenobi comes to me Speaking endless prattle Let me be! He suddenly appears before me, through his body I can see. Always uninvited, Let me be! Let me be, let me be, Let me be, oh let me be. Obi-Wan Kenobi Let me be! Each time I see the guy, there's someone brand new in my family. Who comes next? Chewbacca? Let me be! Although the guy has parted, still he shows up unexpectedly Here's a simple answer: Let me be! Let me be, let me be, Let me be, oh let me be. Obi-Wan Kenobi Let me be! Although I travel 'round, I cannot seem to get my privacy. Ben just seems to follow, Let me be! And know you know just why I always roam throughout the galaxy I'll move on tomorrow, Let me be! Let me be, let me be, Let me be, oh let me be. Obi-Wan Kenobi Let me be! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- HELP (To the Beatles' "Help") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (As sung by Luke, from Bespin weather vane). When I was younger, so much younger than today I hadn't travelled all around this place far, far away. But now those days are gone, I'm not so self-assured I've been had, and Darth's my Dad, and now I've lost my sword. Help me Obi-Wan, I've fallen down And it's such a bloody long way to the ground I think my hand is at the lost and found Won't you please, please help me! Oh boy, how things have changed in oh so many ways Looking down, I think my hand just vanished in the haze. This weather vane I'm on, it doesn't feel secure I know that I just need you like I've never done before Help me Obi-Wan, I've fallen down And it's such a bloody long way to the ground I think my hand is at the lost and found Won't you please, please help me! When I was younger, so much younger than today I hadn't travelled all around this place far, far away. But now those days are gone, I'm not so self-assured I've been had, and Darth's my Dad, and now I've lost my sword. Help me Obi-Wan, I've fallen down And it's such a bloody long way to the ground I think my hand is at the lost and found Won't you please, please help me! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- GEORGE LUCAS' NEW EDITION PLAN (To the Beatles' "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts club band") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) It was twenty years ago today In a galaxy far, far away Came a trilogy with so much style that today it's giving kids a smile So may I introduce to you The act you've known for all these years George Lucas' new edition plan! It's George Lucas' new edition plan We've totally revamped the show It's George Lucas' new edition plan The negative was bad, y'know? George Lucas' special, George Lucas' special, George Lucas' new edition plan. It's wonderful to see here It's certainly a thrill So come sit in the audience It's better on the big screen plus more footage than at home! So go out today and see the show and I thought you might like to know that we're bringing back a certain Hutt with a meter less across the butt So let me introduce to you the movie Journal of the Whills! George Lucas' new edition plan! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE REIGN OF PALPATINE (To Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) I got my brand new X-Wing right off the assembly line White, 'n with that streak of red I loved to hear the engine whine. Me and some guys from home we shot womp rats out in my backyard Deak just quit, Windy got drafted Biggs was blown into a million shards. But flying over the Death Star I thought that he would last forever and when I heard old Ben I knew that it was now or never that was the best shot of my life. I got trained but my friends were in trouble so I had a job to do I flew to Cloud City on Bespin- an' that's when I met you, yeah! Duelling there among the clouds you told me that we'd rule forever and when you cut off my hand I knew that I would join you never! that was the worst day of my life. Oh yeah! Back in the reign of Palpatine Oh! I had to go get Han from Jabba's palace, the poor guy was sick and blind- I thought Yoda would last forever, forever, Oh! I fought you again above Endor Your boss, he tried to make me mad. I said no, so then he tried to kill me That's when you really came through, Dad. Standing with him held up high You threw him and he fell forever. People would say it was me, but I knew that we did it together. That was the best day of my life. Oh yeah! Back in the reign of Palpatine uh huh.. It was the reign of Palpatine.. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- SMALL MOON RISING (To Credence Clearwater Revival's "Bad Moon Rising") (As sung by Joro Kal, Force Adept of Alderaan) By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) I see a small moon rising I see trouble on the way I see that thing throwin' lightning I see bad times today. Don't fly out tonight and it's bound to take your life there's a small moon on the rise. I feel a cold wind a-blowin I know the end is comin' soon I hear of big plans from Tarkin I know that moon ain't just a moon. Don't fly out tonight and it's bound to take your life there's a small moon on the rise. Hope you have got your things together Hope that your ship has hyperdrive Looks like we're in for nasty weather This guy is takin' for the sky. Don't fly out tonight and it's bound to take your life there's a small moon on the rise. Don't fly out tonight and it's bound to take your life there's a small moon on the rise. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- MONEY FOR HUNTING (To Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (As sung by a bridge pit crewman of the SSD EXECUTOR) Well look at them wierdos, that's the way you do it you hunt for bounties 'cross the galaxy that ain't workin! that's the way you do it Money for huntin', and the ships for free. a reputation- that's the way you do it! Lemme tell ya- I could have some fun maybe get an itch upon my trigger finger maybe get a bloody great big gun We gotta fly these Star Destroyers fly 'em right 'cross the galaxy We're in three movies, two simulators a lot of novels and an RPG... I shoulda learned to be a draft dodger I shoulda learned to shoot them guns Look at Boba, he's got a .57 calibre, man yeah I could have some fun. And him up there- who's that, Dengar or Zuckuss? He's filling his own pockets, not just Palpatine's Now that ain't workin- that's the way you do it get your money for huntin', get the ships for free. We gotta fly these Star Destroyers fly 'em right 'cross the galaxy We're in three movies, two simulators a lot of novels and an RPG... Well that ain't workin!, that's the way you do it you hunt for bounties 'cross the galaxy that ain't workin! that's the way you do it Money for huntin', and the ships for free. Money for huntin' and the ships for free Get your money for huntin' and the ships for free Lookathat! lookathat! Get your money for huntin' and the ships for free (I work for, I work for, I work for Palpatine) Get your money for huntin' and the ships for free (I work for, I work for, I work for Palpatine) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOTEL OF THE EMPEROR (To the Eagles' "Hotel California") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (As sung by Luke) Went to Darth Vader my way handcuffs on my hands walker came to meet us rising up in the air up ahead in the distance a shuttle platform, at night the air grew colder and my face grew grim it was my father, all right There he stood in the doorway Commander had done well and I was thinking to myself I'd never noticed his helmet's a bell. Then he lit up my saber and he showed me the way there were voices down the corridor I thought I heard them say Welcome to the hotel of the Emp'ror Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place) hanging there in space. Big as a moon is the hotel of the Emp'ror What a giant sphere (What a giant sphere) And the guy is here! His body evil and twisted He wants me for his own ends His confidence is his weaknesses Mine's my friends. Now we stand in the throne room see the fleet, and I fret. Some stand to remember Some stand to forget. So I call up my saber activates with a whine, and he said Good, now use that aggression and fear Like your father, you're mine And still those voices are calling from far away Must be those two red guys out of sight I thought I heard them say Welcome to the hotel of the Emperor Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place) hanging here in space. We're living it up at the hotel of the Emp'ror What a nice surprise (What a nice surprise) For those rebel guys! Shadows and low ceiling A brilliant place to hide, (and Dad said) So, you have a sister here She'll love the Dark Side. In the master's chambers I drove him to defeat His master couldn't change my side; I got sizzled like some meat! Last thing I remember, he was lifted off the floor and thrown into the passage black to the main reactor core. Relax, said Anakin, I was programmed but I'm free You can check out any time you like Go my son, leave me! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- WOODEN PARTS (To Elvis Presley's "Wooden Heart") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (As Sung by C3P0) I am pleased to meet you this is my best friend Artoo He's all metal too and we both have no wooden parts We don't splinter or creak though we rust, and sometimes leak But we aren't as weak for we both have no wooden parts No organic cells curse these parts of mine we were metal right from the start! Show respect, treat me good (though we're droids, so no one would) I hope you've understood that we both have no wooden parts (Huttese) Tuka nu, Bo shuda mishka Artoo de toa... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Stormtrooper's lament (To Elvis Presley's "Heartbreak Hotel") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) Well since drafted into the army I've found a new place to dwell It's roaming all over the galaxy in a white armoured shell, and I'm feelin' so I'm feelin' so clumsy, baby I'm feelin' so clumsy I'm feelin' so clumsy I could die. I can't hit athing with blasters my helmet vision is poor while coming into the room just then I hit my head on the door, and I'm feelin' so I'm feelin' so clumsy, baby I'm feelin' so clumsy I'm feelin' so clumsy I could die. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALL SHOT UP (To Elvis Presley's "All Shook Up") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (As Sung by C3P0 on Bespin) Well bless a-my soul, what's wrong with me? My leg's in two pieces, and my arm's in three I used to be together but I guess I'm not I've been shot- I'm all shot up. A huh-huh Uh-huh Hey, yeah. I seem to be broken on a garbage heap Someone else can stand on my own two feet I'm on a belt conveyor and it's getting hot It's my lot- I'm all shot up. A huh-huh Uh-huh Hey, yeah. Well, a bit of old plastic is what's on my mind A little bit closer, I can kiss my behind I found all the troopers- had to warn the rest But one of them shot me right in the chest! Well now I see Chewbacca giving Ugnaughts a scare I'd wave to him but my hand is way over there He'd better hurry if he wants to- save my butt E'chuta! - I'm all shot up A huh-huh Uh-huh Hey, yeah, yeah. Well, six million languages I know how to speak And right now I couldn't even manage a squeak The Wookiee prob'ly doesn't even know how I fit but right at this moment I don't care a bit! Now I'm broken in a box that's sitting down on the floor. A couple of stormtroopers just threw Han in the door. He says he's feeling terrible, I know how it is I'm in bits- I'm all shot up. A huh-huh Uh-huh Hey, yeah. A huh-huh Uh-huh Hey, yeah- I'm all shot up. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT (Redone from the GREASE Soundtrack) By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) THE SCENE: underneath the landing platform at the Endor garrisson. An AT-AT clanks up and Luke is delivered into the hands of Darth Vader. Vader: "Good work, commander. Leave us; conduct your search and bring his companions to me". . Vader: I got kills, they're multiplyin' And to rule is my goal When I'm Emp'ror, we'll be smilin' It's electrifyin! Luke: You better shape up 'Cause my Dad's in there. Yes, I feel the good in you You better shape up You cut off my hand, but my heart is just as true. Vader: Join me, son! Luke: Dad, I came back here for you! CHORUS: You're the one that I want hoo hoo hoo, sonny! The one that I want hoo hoo hoo, sonny! The one that I want hoo hoo hoo, the one I need Oh yes indeed! Vader: I see you've made a new weapon And I'm so proud of you but the Dark Side holds my affection... Walk this way... Luke: You better shape up You were Anakin You can still be sanctified! Vader: You better shape up You learned much from Ben but you don't know the Dark Side! It's too late! Luke: Then my father's truly died! CHORUS: You're the one that I want hoo hoo hoo, sonny! The one that I want hoo hoo hoo, sonny! The one that I want hoo hoo hoo, the one I need Oh yes indeed! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- BEN (To Michael Jackson's "Ben") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) Ben, I knew I had to look no more when you found me on the canyon floor With a Jedi of my own I'll never be alone as you, my friend, can see You're dead and still with me (You're dead and still with me) Ben, how terrible it must have been hiding out those years on Tattooine Why'd you have to take the blame for Vader, whom you trained Oh Ben why can't you see just what you did for me. (just what you did for me) Just you survived The last Knight kept the flame burning bright (Just you survived The last Knight Kept the flame Burning bright) Ben, how well you must have known my Dad you're the best friend that he ever had When he turned to the Dark Side your love, it never died for though his hatred won you guarded me, his son. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- BLAME IT ON THE WOOKIEE (To the Jacksons' "Blame it on the Boogie") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) The Falcon just ain't flyin' the two of us been tryin' to get it off this ice cube and do-it-quick! I tell that lump of mohair say "No, wait! that one goes there" the way he gets it wrong just makes me sick Don't blame it on the sublight don't blame it on the nav guide don't blame it on the fuel line blame it on the Wookiee Don't-you-blame it on the sublight don't blame it on the nav guide don't blame it on the fuel line blame it on the Wookiee The hyperdrive is dodgy the readout screen is blotchy the reverse power coupling can o-ver-heat! It might be me that did it but it's easier to pin it on that hairy guy that's over seven feet! Don't blame it on the sublight don't blame it on the nav guide don't blame it on the fuel line blame it on the Wookiee Don't-you-blame it on the sublight don't blame it on the nav guide don't blame it on the fuel line blame it on the Wookiee ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- SCREAM (To Michael Jackson's "Scream") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (Duet with Han and Vader, on cloud city) HAN: Flew here in the Falcon No permit to land Got captured by Vader Shot him in the hand They took me for torture Tied me to this rack A really bad posture It's bad for my back. VADER: This Rebel is screaming A beautiful sight He thinks this is awful, soon he'll be in carbonite. I'd ask him some questions but there's really no point I'm after Skywalker, and Han will get him to this joint HAN: These two stormtroopers, well they make me wanna scream They pumped me full of drugs I think this is a dream. VADER: This is more fun than even those two captain guys HAN: Somebody please have mercy 'cause I just can't take it Stop torturin' me Just stop torturin' me Stop torturin' me Make me wanna scream Stop torturin' me Just stop torturin' me Stop torturin' me Makes me just wanna scream This funny electrode It tickles my cheek I'd like to knock Lando Fair into next week. VADER: I'm changin' the voltage I'm liking this game If it goes much longer I think I might blow his brain HAN: Electrocution, don't it Make you wanna scream With little pointy bits and heated ion stream VADER: I'm bringin' Luke to me He'll join us or he'll die HAN: Oh Vader, please have mercy 'cause I just can't take it Stop torturin' me Just stop torturin' me Stop torturin' me Make me wanna scream Stop torturin' me Just stop torturin' me Stop @#$!!in with me Makes me just wanna scream VADER: By the Force, can't believe what I felt While I was meditating, just hating I felt a disturbance within the insurgence within the insurgence (Spoken Overlay) "My friends are in trouble. I gotta help them!". "You must-not-go!" "But Han and Leia will die if I don't!" "You don't know that. Not even Yoda can see their fate" ... "Artoo? Fire up the converters." HAN: Electrocution, don't it Make you wanna scream... (repeat chorus). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- STAND BY YOUR HAN (To Tammy Wynette's "Stand by your man") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (As sung by Leia) Sometimes it's hard to be a woman When everyone else here is a man I've had some bad times and wonder sometimes Why I'm with a carpet and a can. But there's a scoundrel among them and though he's hard to understand I've come to love him and be proud of him I tell myself about this man: Stand by your Han Go and pursue your lover track down and strangle Jabba When Han's all cold, and stoney. Stand by your Han and show the worlds you love him Keep givin' all love you can Stand by your Han. Stand by your Han and shoot the troopers off him keep givin' him a helping han'... Stand by your Han! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- BRIGHT EYES (To "Bright Eyes") By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) (As sung by Ben Kenobi, waiting at the sandcrawler for Luke's return). Isn't it a great machine? stretching up to the sky It used to take Jawas from scene to scene across Tattooine There's some Bantha tracks up the canyon Gaffi sticks in the sand but only stormtroopers did this, I know just look at the marks Oh, servants of Darth. Bright eyes burning on the pyre Bright eyes how do you stand the smell how come the guys that gave us Artoo now have been blown to hell Bright eyes. I look at the time by the shadows creeping over the sand Luke should be back soon from where he flew to flambe Beru Both the droids are roasting the Jawas They seem to be having fun I guess if they captured and shot my butt I'd roast 'em all, too here, let me kick a few. Bright eyes burning on the pyre Bright eyes how do you stand the smell how come the guys that gave us Artoo now have been blown to hell Bright eyes. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- EWOKS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD (To "Raindrops keep falling on my head") (As sung by a late stormtrooper of the Endor legion) By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) Ewoks keep falling on my head "A small force of rebel scum has landed here" they said! gonna have a fit! Those Ewoks keep falling on my head They keep falling So I'll just pull out my old 'Stormtrooper One' and show all these furballs how the Empire gets things done! Killing is my job! Those Ewoks keep falling on my head They keep falling But there's one thing I know These cute things, so appealing will die squealing before too long, it's Ewok guts up to the ceiling! Ewoks keep falling on my head And two of the buggers come for each one that's shot dead! Dyin's not for me! But, my guys are gonna stop the big shield from failin' Just wait and see... Here's an AT-ST... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- THOSE MAGNIFICENT TWIN ION ENGINE MACHINES To the tune of "Those magnificent men in their flying machines" By Steven Cavanagh (scavanag@sydney.dialix.oz.au) Those magnificent Twin Ion Engine machines They blow up-diddly-up-dup, They're shot down-diddly-own-down! They smash into each other, and die in each scene They blow up-diddly-up-dup They're shot down-diddly-own-down Up (ting!) Down (thump) Flying around! Out of the hangar, and into the ground! All (ting!) the (thump) Pilots are green, Those magnificent Twin Ion Engine machines! They can spin all around with a blasted-off wing! It must be the helmets- they can't see a thing. Seinar Fleet Systems have made a mistake, They made them as tough as a soggy cornflake! (daaa dun daaa dun da da-da da da) Those magnificent Twin Ion Engine machines They blow up-diddly-up-dup They're shot down-diddly-own-down They smash into each other, and die in each scene Those magnificent Twin- Those magnificent Twin- Those magnificent Twin Ion ENGINE MACHINES!!!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------